Whilst Medium is teeming with thought leaders, productivity gurus, and tech visionaries, I’ve carved out my own special niche. It’s somewhere between ‘unintentionally Zen’ and ‘endearingly clueless.’ I don’t have a niche unless ‘chronicling the mundane with unwarranted enthusiasm’ counts. My expertise? A PhD in the art of being perfectly average.
But don’t be misled. Earning this much money on Medium is no trifling matter when your most popular article is a passionate rant on why I waste my money on Apple tech, I’m aware. Each penny represents a reader who, for some reason or another, found themselves nodding along to my musings on why pineapple on pizza is a hill I’m willing to die on. (I haven’t written this yet so stay tuned!)
So, with my newly acquired wealth, I’m off to treat myself to a McDonald’s breakfast wrap. Because why aspire for a Michelin star meal when you can savour the exquisite blend of scrambled eggs, sausage, and cheese all wrapped up in a tortilla that’s been sitting under a heat lamp? It’s the perfect metaphor for my writing career on Medium: unexpectedly satisfying, slightly guilty, but ultimately a pleasure.
That’s right, folks. My lifetime earnings on Medium – a staggering £12.97. And before you pop the question, no, I haven’t mistakenly added an extra decimal point. Those are my actual, hard-earned pounds, painstakingly accumulated over countless articles about, well, essentially nothing.
To all aspiring writers dreaming of making it big on Medium, take note. Forget SEO and chasing after the latest trends. The real money is in breakfast wrap reviews and existential thoughts on 5 year olds. With enough determination and a flair for the delightfully trivial, you too could be the proud owner of a fast-food breakfast that symbolises your literary achievements.
Remember, every great writer starts somewhere. And if that somewhere includes debating the merits of various fast-food breakfast options with the seriousness of a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, then you’re definitely on the right track. Here’s to many more articles, a few more quid, and maybe, just maybe, upgrading to a pub meal.
